This Blog is Woefully Out of Date...

Hello! It's been awhile since I've blogged here and I should've made an update post much sooner than now. If you're coming here from Twitter, where I also have Goodreads auto-post my reviews, this post's title will make a lot more sense than if you arrived here via the RSS feed or by e-mail.

(If you arrived by the latter means, hope you all have been safe and well!)

I feel that my posts in 2018 gave the impression that I was going down some sort of ideological rabbit hole. Especially since I was going to conceive a series of self-censorship stories that, when I actually thought about it, really boiled down to two points:

• My first year of being in the English Club/Writers' Guild, as I previously wrote about in a post where I suggested an idea of a blog for the club only to have it shot down with the club president initially asking, "Are you stupid?" The overall club attitude bugged me to the point where I e-mailed the advisor asking to meet with him regarding my concerns. Unfortunately, my ride couldn't make it the day we were supposed to meet—I would arrive past the time we agreed on—but he never replied to reschedule. 
• The coffeehouse preceding the e-mail exchange had the club president start out declaring that we were taking donations for Hurricane Sandy—something that was never mentioned in the previous week's meeting minutes—and that if anyone did not donate that, "they were going to hell". I remember mentioning this to their secretary months later—when we were both in the same creative nonfiction class—who claimed that the reason being was due to some hecklers in the student cafe. This was something I thought should have been handled by the Student Center staff, but I didn't mention that to her. 
• There was also a matter of a poem submitted by a student—who was also the club's treasurer at the time—that we all voted unanimously for approval. Unfortunately, we had to later reject it because of the content as it dealt with "ass" and "weed". If the club president informed the club of this news verbatim—without exaggeration—I believe that the aftermath would've been better. Instead, he read out every line of the poem to note how we couldn't submit it then threw the paper that it was printed on across the room. She ended up not coming back after that meeting, even when they expected her to bring the coffee to the next coffeehouse. I don't blame her in the slightest, both in hindsight and in the semester after that one where any coffeehouse posters near  the university's primary computer lab were taken down from the bulletin boards mere days after we pinned them on. I'm glad that those events did not stop her from writing. She wrote couple of articles on Elephant Journal and did a few pieces over at Pucker Mob if you'd like to give them a read. 
• I ended up wanting to leave the club after these events, but only ended up staying after I covered a later coffeehouse. That and they considered me for the position of secretary because of my attendance. With the shoddy attendance we had, it was hard to say "no" and, well, I didn't.         
• The president who came after (the then-secretary) took issue with a student who was also a self-published author. Said student was very enthusiastic about the club and wanted to help out in anyway she could. I'm not exactly certain about specific instances here, but I always remembered her (the president) not holding this student in high regard for said enthusiasm. Like the former treasurer, this student still writes.     
• The campus newspaper meeting in which the candidates for specific positions made their case to a room full of staff writers. The particular department I was in, Arts and Entertainment, had two people vying for the head position. One person was a freshman who did well-written game reviews that loved working for the paper, but advocated for better communication between editors and staff, along with overall transparency. The other was a soon-to-be senior who specialized in public relations and essentially praised every person on the editorial board in an overly extravagant manner with little to no criticism of the organization—at least from what I can recall. 
• I voted for the former, who the editorial board thought was rude when we got together to plan out the fall semester. I do remember his word choice being slightly brash, but felt that anyone who endorsed the paper by asking them to work out any issues would allow both editors and writers to create a better product. Goes without saying, I said nothing.    

In short, I don't have a self-censorship problem. I have a problem being assertive. It's an issue that I understand better now than in 2012. 

This is also the reason why many of the posts from 2018 have been deleted. This decision is something I wasn't initially fond of, but when I thought about it further, I feel like it is the best course of action. Many of those posts were written when I had all those pent up emotions surrounding those events. I felt bad for not taking action when those issues happened and chose to maintain the group dynamic even when I wanted to leave. Not to mention letting it affect me to the point where I made irrational choices. Five years is and was way too long to let things linger.

There was also things that were happening in a group that I was a part of for 13 years—since its inception. Without going into detail, I worried that the group would run parallel to the English Club/Writers' Guild in terms of leadership. I mentioned something, but unfortunately ended up backing away after I realized that there was barely any change in the way they operated.  

I have been working to be a better person to myself with regards to issues that happen at work and home for the past two years. Anyone on Twitter will recognize that I ended last year on a cynical note. There was a work situation that I won't go into for reasons that go without saying. I will mention that I was almost manipulated out of a friendship. I'm glad that never occurred because other people at the site informed me about the possibility I was being played at. I am glad that I have the support system that I do now and my friendship with the person in question is stronger than ever.  

I also finished up a technical writing course after applying for a full-time, local writing gig early into 2019. I really did enjoy being back at community college where, even when I was there during my undergrad, I felt that the student body was far more open-minded with regards to academic and philosophical discussion that at the four-year one. In hindsight, I felt the same way when I first went there, but I digress.

There was also that patch in which I praised the people who I patronized through Patreon non-stop—I still do so on Twitter for CheapShow and Two for Tea when an account asks for good podcast recommendations. There's a reason for that, especially with regards to video games and the geek zeitgeist—with an emphasis on discourse. As in, they enjoy games and geeky things for the sake of enjoying them, but that's a blog post for another day.  

Right now, I feel comfortable blogging. I feel better about being myself than I did years ago. Hopefully, I'll keep this blog up-to-date instead of being out-of-date.